Hmmm

I don't know how I'm feeling today, I ate what felt like a lot yesterday, but I had 3 points left over. I think that my problem this week has been a lack of motivation brought on my last week's gain. Ugh. I don't even like to type that. gain. This week I don't really expect a big loss, but I would like to get closer to where I was before the hell gain.
Today I'm going to the gym before my group meeting and I'm going to do a half hour on the elliptical and a half hour on the bike.
My food plan is
B- Cereal and Fat Free Cream cheese 4 points
S- Weight bar 2-3 points
S- special K crackers 2 points
D- 1 stuffed pepper 3 points
D- Refried beans and chips 6 points
S- Salad 2 points
= 20 Points for the day

I have to go to bed super early tonight. To work tomorrow.
Ugh I've got a busy day ahead.
And a busy week.

Losing my edge.

I haven't done that well this week. Well I mean I've been eating within my points each day (barely) but I haven't had as many left over. And I haven't been to the gym at all since Tuesday. I need to recommit myself to losing weight. I'll really start again tomorrow. I work until 1:30, then I'm going to the gym. Before then all I'm going to eat is cheerios and toast. I'll have eaten something like 5 points. Maybe 6 or 7. Okay. I'm going to try to crank out 5-10 pages of my cost paper before I hit the sheets tonight.

This week.

I haven't been doing great so far this week. Or even today. I've already eaten 10 points today and it's only 10:30 AM. I'll probably go to bed early though, but still. I've budgeted through when I come home at 7:30 or later. I'll probably have a frozen dinner tonight and maybe a bag of popcorn and an ice cream.

My job is going very poorly right now. I'm just so ready to be done. This week has just been really bad. I'm at the six month point where I just need to get out. I've applied to so many jobs that I can't even remember which ones are which. I really need a new position.

Food for Thursday
B- CC and Cereal 3
S- Fiber Bar 2
S Crackers and toppings 4
L- Turkey Sandwich 3
S- Pretzels and Salsa 3
D- Frozen Meal 6-7
S Popcorn 1
S Dessert 2
Total: 25 Points

Hello 2.6 pounds. I didn't miss you at all.

Then why are you back? I really can't deal with gaining. The thing is that I didn't do anything wrong. I didn't eat over my points ANY day at all. I went to the gym four times for at least 45 minutes each time. The gain HAS to be muscle. It just has to. I don't know what I'll do otherwise. I just need to keep on trucking this week.

No Subject

Well another weekend is over. I've tried several new Lean Cuisine flavors this weekend and some of them were absolutely amazing! I had an amazing time last night with Sydney and Kevin. It was potentially the last late night movie fest that the three of us will have which made it bittersweet for me at least. There are only 3 weekends left. I did okay food wise. Haven't been over 25 points since last Wednesday. I haven't been to the gym in 3 days. I was planning on going today, but The Wedding Date was on tv again. I didn't even end up watching it, I rented it on Amazon haha.
Food So Far Today
B- Egg Beater Sandwich 4
S- Ice Cream 2
L- lean Cuisine 4
S- Cake 1
S- Cake with Strawberries 3
Total So Far: 14
Food that I will probably eat before bed
Lean Cuisine 6
Popcorn 1
Cake with Strawberries 3
for a daily total of 24

Tomorrow I have to open at work so I'll bring something with me to eat there. Probably bread and I'll have a cream cheese packet which is 3 points. Then I'll pack stuff for a turkey melt with tomato which will be 4 points, and I'll also probably have a container of grapes for 3 points. I'm planning to go to the gym after class tomorrow then coming back here to do laundry. Since I'll only be at 10 points I'll be comfortable eating whatever I want for dinner. Maybe I'll make another pasta salad since that last one was so great!. Maybe I'll just have a pasta dinner? I don't know, I'll try to have something low sodium since it's the day before a weigh in.

It's going to be a crazy week. I have to work the next 6 days in a row. I'm half dreading it, half resigned to it. I realize that there's nothing that I can do . It's going to be a crazy 3 weeks until graduation/finals and I have SO much that I need to do but I just really want to get it all over with. I'll enjoy every free moment that I have. Like tomorrow after the gym, I'm not going to do any work while I'm doing laundry. And Tuesday, after work and before my WW meeting. Wednesday I'll have about an hour or so. Thursday I can sleep in, but other than that I have no time. Friday after work. Saturday after work. Maybe it won't be such a bad week after all :-D. Even though I have no idea when I'll get to the bank. I'll probably wait until I get last week's check too. Okay, time to chill and stop thinking until I have to go to bed.

home for the weekend.

And not feeling too great. I had a REALLY great day and only ate 15 points and had a great workout on Thursday. I probably should have eaten more given how much I worked out but I had some bad news and went to bed early. Yesterday I didn't go to the gym and I ate 25 points. Not so good, but still under my points limit. Today I'm not going to be able to go to the gym either and I set myself at 25 points. I did fine while my family was home but once they left I just wanted food. I'm in the process of cooking curried lentils for the first time. If I don't like them I'm going to be pretty sad because I already counted the points. I guess if I could just substitute a lean cuisine. Well whatever. Either way I'll stay under my points.
I'm going to watch the wedding date now. Hopefully my family will be back after it's over.

The Gym

I used to hate it when people said that they were going to the gym. It made me feel like a layabout, which of course I was. Well I joined Planet Fitness this week and I've gone the past 2 days. I feel different. (Well except right now haha my blood sugar has plummeted) I feel like the person that I want to be. I can't remember how many calories I burned yesterday, but today I burned over 400. I was there for a little over an hour and burned 300 cals on the elliptical and 150ish on the bike. No wonder I feel exhausted haha. I think that I'm going to take it a little easier tomorrow, My knee was hurting a little and the last thing I need is to get injured.
So far today I've eaten:
B- Egg Beater Sandwich 3
L- Roast Beef Sandwich 4
S 100 Calorie Cheezits 2
S 1 Can green beans 1
And now that my pasta is finished cooking I'm going to eat a serving of pasta salad which I think I figured out to be 4 points. Yummmm!

Don't have much to say

I lost 2 pounds this week, bringing my total to 14.4. I'm getting really close to 15 and then it's only a hop skip and a jump to my 10%. I know that my weight loss will slow down once I reach under 200, but as long as I'm sticking to my plan and working out regularly I should be fine!

Routine

Well I'm having a week that is very different from normal, routine wise. Typically I have Mondays off from work and just have class, then I work Tuesdays and Wednesdays and have class those days. This week I'm working Monday, Thursday, and Friday. I'm not really sure what to do with myself today. I have an exam tomorrow that I spent some time studying for, but I just know that I should still be studying. I have a weigh in this afternoon and even though I'm not hungry I want to eat. Today I had a low calorie flatbread with lean roast beef, tomatoes, ff mozzarella, and mustard. It was only 4 points and SO delicious. Then I had a WW ice cream bar which was 2 points. I really want a cucumber but I don't want to do anything to screw up my weigh in. Maybe I'll take a drive to deposit my tax check. That will get me out of the way of food. I also need to donate my clothes. And clean out my car.

I should do okay, food-wise, this week. Since I'm going to be so busy, I won't really have time to eat much. The weekend is going to be iffy, but I'll be at my dads at least on Saturday night to get my car fixed, and Adrianne is on WW too so that will be okay. They never have much food anyway. Better than at my moms where she buys chips and cream cheese and stuff for my sister.

Food Diary for Today
B- nothing (woke up at 10 AM)
L- Roast Beef Wrap 4 Points
S- WW Ice Cream Bar 2 Points
S- Grape Cup 3 Points
D- Lean Cuisine Panini 6 Points
Salad 2 Points
S- WW Popcorn 1 Point
= 18 points for today
Tomorrow I'll have to aim for at least 25 to cycle. That shouldn't be much of a problem.
Plan for Tomorrow
B- Egg Beaters Sandwich without cheese 3 Points
L- Roast Beef Wrap 4 Points
S- Grape Cup 3 Points
S- 100 Calorie Pack of Cheezits 2 Points
D- Salad 2 Points
Something else... another sandwich maybe, or well idk.
Okay, maybe tomorrow won't be a high point day. Wednesdays rarely are.

On a good note, that I haven't thought of in the past couple weeks. I'm hardly ever hungry anymore except when it's time for me to eat. I think that my stomach is caught up with my mind with regards to weight loss. Of course, this means that I'm eating when I'm not hungry, but only to keep my metabolism up.

Something else that has been worrying me. I read on 3fc posts from people who don't track, or eat before tracking. I don't get how people can do that. Like on Easter, I split a chicken breast with my sister, didn't eat any potato salad, and had some butterscotch pudding. I counted the meal as 8 points. I don't know whether that was high or not. Especially considering that I did put dressing on my salad. I'm just so confused and I don't know if I'm going to ever feel like I can eat whatever I want. I don't want to be like that anymore. Food is important to me now but in a different way. Tracking points has become a habit, not just a hobby. I like the way I feel when I've had a good week. I don't like how I feel today when I don't think that I've done very well. I'm completely accountable to myself and I know that I'm the only person who can control this journey. If I want something to eat, I eat it, but only after considering what I'll have to give up in order to satisfy the craving. If the cost/benefit is negative, I won't eat it. Tastes of food is always like that. I could count the points of B. L. T.'s like my mom used to, but the benefit that I reap from eating a sample of soup isn't worth the cost to my daily points allotment. I don't know if I'm looking at this whole thing from a business/accounting standpoint. Maybe that is what is giving me an edge? I don't want to be the fat girl when I start school. I know that I will be overweight still, but by the end of graduate school I will be thin. I am determined. I will do what it takes.

Okay I'm going to deposit my check and JOIN THE GYM!!!
I think I'll be blogging more often. I feel reinspired.

Weigh in Tomorrow

Unlike in past weeks where I thought that I gained and then had incredible losses, this week I think that I either gained or lost but not by much. I haven't gone over points at all this week but I have hit points target, which is something that I haven't done. I've been trying to cycle in order to confuse my body but it's just not working. I feel enormous today. So bloated. I hope that by tomorrow it is all gone.
Tomorrow I have to do laundry, go grocery shopping, and study before my meeting. I'm going to eat my typical Tuesday food, egg beater breakfast sandwich, mid morning snack, and a sandwich before noon. Then nothing to eat until meeting, and stop liquids at 2. Since I'm not working tomorrow it's going to be different.
I'll try to blog tomorrow to document my gain or loss and keep track on my goal.
1 month... 10 pounds.
Tomorrow is my first weigh day.

OH and I'm going to be joining Planet Fitness tomorrow. I'll start going on Wednesday. I'm very excited about it.

I'm doing okay.

I haven't been overeating, I've managed to avoid the signals that are telling me that I need to eat even though I'm not hungry. It has something to do with the fact that I'm with people i think. if I was alone, I could justify an extra couple of night time snacks and that's never a good thing.
I haven't really had too much to say in here lately. I've been mostly just trying to learn better habits. I know that when I'm maintaining I'll be able to eat a little more, but I never want to go back to where I was before.

This blog started out as a tool for me to talk about weight loss in. I'm not sure I need it any more. I'll continue to update as needed, but I'm not going to be fanatical about daily entries anymore. I just don't have it in me.

Another great weigh in!!!

I lost 3.2!!!! Which puts me at a total lost of 12.4! I feel great about it! I also reached my 5% goal today which was exciting! 10% and Onederland here I come!!! In order to reach my graduation mini-goal I'll only have to lose 1.5ish pounds a week for the next four weeks! I'm also thinking about joining the gym which will screw up my weigh ins for a few but will pay off in the long run. Something about 10 pounds lost just makes this whole thing seem more real. I'm excited.

Weigh In Day #5

I'm so nervous, as usual. But not in the same way this week. I'm fairly certain that I'm not losing weight but I hope that I at least don't gain. I don't really know how I'm feeling. I had an egg beater sandwich for breakfast and I put too many egg beaters in it. I'm planning on a turkey sandwich and a 100 calorie pack.
I'm counting the sandwich at 4 points and the lunch at 5. I won't eat anything until after the meeting. I'll probably just grab some grapes and a bag of baked lays for 5 or 6 points depending on the flavor of the chips. This will place me at 15 points, I'll have some sort of meal when I arrive home after class. Probably pretzels and salsa along with a salad.

I still don't have anything to say.

I haven't been as focused on my eating the past couple of days. This is not to say that I haven't been on plan and doing well, it's just that I'm distracted by some other stuff that's been going on. I've actually gone out two nights in a row. I saw Adventureland last night and Haunting in Connecticut tonight. Both times were fun and enjoyable. I'm realizing how much I'm going to miss my friends though.
I'm a little worried about not being worried this week. I've been on plan all week long and I just don't know. I'm not exercising enough. I use so many different excuses that it's all getting a little pointless. I just wish my roommate would leave to hang out with her friends. I hate wanting to be alone and not being alone. I was planning to use the rest of my points today for some popcorn, but thinking about the fact that weigh in is tomorrow I probably don't want to do that. I need to drink some water too. I'm so frustrated at myself for my laziness. Well I might as well write down what I've eaten today as I don't seem to have anything else constructive to write.

B- Egg beaters on sandwich thin 4 points
L Turkey Sanwich and 100 calorie pack 5 points
S- Grapes 3 points
D- Lean Cuisine and Broccoli- 7 points
S- Pb and CC On Sandwich Thin 3 points
= 22 points used today.

I guess I don't really need anything else today but I'm feeling a little hungry. I'm going to drink some water and then see how I'm feeling after that. Is it lame that I want to go to bed and it's 9:30?

I think I'm getting old.

Well I didn't write at all yesterday.

But I stayed on plan which is all that matters. I'm doing pretty well today too. We'll see how things go on Tuesday. I don't really have much to say, I have some laundry to do and I really need to eat (It's almost 4 and I haven't had lunch!).
So I guess this is just a quick check in. (Oh and my mini-goal jeans don't quite fit yet which depressed me a little)

Okay adios

Ugh

So I feel pretty nasty after last nights binge. The late night 'need to eat' feelings are just the worst. So far, they're the only cravings that I have been unable to control. I'm not sure how this weekend is going to go. Part of me wants to laze around and not leave my bed, the other part of me wants to go to the mall, or just do something. Other than last weekend's excursion to Orono, I haven't done anything. I think that going to Orono and then home actually helped my diet because I walked so much that day, and I ate very little, as I was saving points for alcohol. Also I have to work today, a closing shift, and I have to work tomorrow on a very long day. I'm aboslutely dreading it. For some reason, work is harder to deal with than school some days. Most days actually.
I had some good news on the grad school front. I have been having so much trouble getting one of my recommenders to actually fill out the form, so last night I screwed up my courage and I asked my Strategic Management professor to do one for me. He said yes without any hesitation at all!!! What a relief. And that reminds me, I need to ship out my resume today. With any luck, they'll be processing my app by next week!
So it's TOM for me right now and I've been feeling just enormous. I NEED to come back from the past two days in the rest of the week. I know that if I got weighed now I'd be over where I was and I just can't stand the thought of gaining. I actually had a nightmare about it last night.

So my food plan for today is:
B- WW bagel and Egg Beaters 4 points
S- Fiber One bar on the way to work 2 points
L- hot dog sandwich 2 points
S- Pretzels OR crackers and salsa 2 points
D- Oh I haven't decided yet. Something simple. A healthy choice maybe? Or some rice, I've had minute rice just sitting around for weeks. Add some steamed broccoli to this. Or peas. Or both.
S- Popcorn 4 points
Total (assuming 10 point dinner):24 And a great day because I'll be going to bed by 10, as I have to work early in the morning tomorrow.

Yawn.

Well once again I binged when I got back from class. I had a cafe steamer from healthy choice, a WW bagel pizza, a 100 calorie bag of popcorn, and a salad. All within an hour and a half. I get so angry with myself sometimes.
Well tomorrow (or today) is another day. I'm so tired. I haven't been up past midnight all week.

Oh Happy Day!!! (Mini Goals Entry)

Well I went to weigh in last night and I had lost another 2.4 pounds!!! I'm SO close to ten pounds lost that I can feel it! I want to do REALLY well and reach my 5% goal this week! I'm 1.8 pounds away! If I can do that, just maybe I'll be able to reach my 10% goal by graduation! I had really wanted to do that before I saw those small losses the first couple of weeks. But if I can keep up the pace of approximately 2 pounds a week then I'm sure I'll be able to do it!

Okay here are my mini goals
10% by May 16 (grad party)- 197
By start of grad school (Sept 1)- 180
By Thanksgiving- 169 (Healthy BMI)
By Christmas- 165 (WW Goal)
By Valentines '10- 155
By April Fools (One Year From Today)-145 GOAL!

There are going to be other milestones along the way (25 lbs lost, 50 lbs lost, etc) but these goals represent special events in my life, where I'll be seeing family and don't want to be as heavy as the last time that I saw them. I'm going to need to work really hard in order to meet my first mini-goal, as it's the most ambitious (I believe). To make it, I'll need to lose 2 pounds each week. I'm going to need to start exercising and really make some changes to my eating habits. Well, I've got to make lunch and grab some snacks for the rest of the day. (4 hours at work then 6 hours at classes makes for a longgg day)