Frustration.

I'm getting really frustrated with myself. Even though my binges are much smaller than they were a month ago, I'm still really unhappy with my eating habits. Today, I left my lunch in the car by accident. I had a glass of milk instead, which didn't fill me up and I felt really sick. When I got back from work, 2 hours ago, I ate some cheese and crackers (a planned snack), then I was still hungry so I made a salad with tomatoes carrots and turkey. Then I was still 'hungry' so I ate my planned dinner which was a Smart Ones frozen meal. Now I'm still hungry/ want to eat. It can't be hunger after all I've eaten today. I'm worried that I'm screwing up my metabolism with these crazy eating habits I'm developing. I still have 12 points left after all that. I have 2 single servings of frozen peas that I really want to eat. I should probably eat before 9, as I have to go to bed at 10:30. I'm going to need to do some grocery shopping tomorrow, or else it's going to be a bad weekend.
I would like to get some lettuce, frozen meals, brown rice, and grilled chicken. I really enjoy veggie filled stir fry with rice and chicken and it fills me up enough that I'm not thinking about food constantly like I have been. My habits this week have been so reminiscent of my binging days that I'm really starting to worry. My goal this week was to exercise 3 days and I haven't even done one yet. I think that I will have to start that tomorrow. My roommate is leaving for vacation, so I can do my dvd daily. Then it's only 6 more weeks until I can move home, where I can do it as much as I want. I'm so excited to have the room to myself for a whole week! Even with working and dieting, I think it will still be a fun week.

Fridays Food so far
B- Smart Ones Breakfast Sandwich (4)
L- 1 c. skim milk with sugar free almond syrup (2)
S- Babybel light cheese and special K crackers (3)
S- Tomato, Carrot, Turkey salad with ff italian (3)
D- Smart Ones Fettuccine Alfredo (6)
Which comes to 18 points used, and 12 points remaining for the day. I won't use them all. I never do.

Possible remaining points possibilities
1 bag frozen peas and teryaki sauce (2)
Cottage Cheese 1 c. (2)
Cheese and crackers (3)
Ice Cream Sandwich (3)
Popcorn (4)
I shouldn't eat all of these (in fact I can't) but I could probably have 2-3, which makes for just as bad of a binge, in my opinion, as if I'd eaten an entire box of macaroni and cheese, 2 servings of cottage cheese and bacon, and breadsticks and butter. And keep on adding to that list. That would be a small binge for me.

On a happier note: I got my first weight loss compliment today. A coworker who I don't see said 'you're losing weight' and I said ' not much yet', and she responded that it was noticable. I really don't think that 3.2 pounds is noticeable, but it feels good to hear it. I can't wait until everyone notices. I don't want to see my mom and sister until I've lost 20 pounds. If I don't go home for Easter, it's a distinct possibility. 10% was my graduation goal, but I'm realizing how unrealistic it is. I'm going to shoot for 20% by the day I move into an apartment (sometime around August). It's about 5 months from now, and 20% is 42 pounds. thats something like 8 pounds a month, which will be hard, but not impossible. Even if I can't do it, I'll be much lighter then than I am now. Okay, I know it's early to start looking but I'm going to 'apartment hunt' now. It's a fun past time.